If you were to ask Mike Royko—Chicago’s sharp-tongued, cigar-chomping, everyman columnist—why America’s gun obsession might someday come to its senses, he’d probably say, “Because it has to.” And then he’d tell you a story about a guy named Darvin Purdy in Kennesaw, Georgia.
The Kennesaw Conundrum
In the 1980s, Kennesaw passed a law requiring every household to own a firearm. Royko, ever the satirist, didn’t just report the news—he skewered it. He imagined a town where everyone was armed, and chaos reigned: “If hand grenades were legal, I could just lob one or two down the basement stairs and the world would have one less criminal” (Royko, 1980s). Through this biting humor, Royko highlighted the absurdity of mandatory gun ownership.
The Machinegun Manifesto
After John Lennon’s assassination in 1980, Royko penned a column mocking the gun lobby’s logic. He proposed the “National Association for the Legalization of Machineguns, Bazookas, Hand Grenades, Cannons, Land Mines and Anything Else That Goes Boom,” suggesting that if a .38 caliber handgun is a constitutional right, why not heavier artillery? (Royko, 1980s). This satirical piece underscored the dangers of extreme interpretations of the Second Amendment.
The Satirical Strategy
Royko’s satire wasn’t just for laughs—it was a tool for social commentary. By exaggerating the consequences of extreme gun rights positions, he forced readers to confront the potential chaos of an armed society. His humor made the serious issue of gun control more accessible and engaging, challenging readers to reconsider their views.
A Nation at a Crossroads
Despite the humor, Royko recognized the seriousness of the gun debate. He acknowledged that strict gun laws often fail to reduce violence, stating, “Strict gun laws are about as effective as strict drug laws… It pains me to say this, but the NRA seems to be right: The cities and states that have the toughest gun laws have the most murder and mayhem” (Royko, 1980s). This acknowledgment reflects the complexity of the issue and the need for a balanced approach.
The Inevitable Reversal
So, why might America eventually reverse its gun obsession? Because, as Royko would argue, the current path is unsustainable. The extremes of both the gun rights and gun control movements have led to a deadlock. But as the consequences of this deadlock become more apparent—through increased violence, public outcry, and political pressure—a more balanced approach will emerge. Just as Royko used satire to challenge the status quo, society will eventually use reason and compromise to find a middle ground.
References:
Royko, M. (1980s). If We’re Gonna Have Guns, Let’s Get ‘em Out in the Open – Or Else! Chicago Sun-Times.
Royko, M. (1980s). Take it from Mike Royko: Machineguns don’t kill. Chicago Sun-Times.
Royko, M. (1980s). Opinion: Mike Royko (and Me) on Guns. NBC Chicago.
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